Loving Your Child as Designed | Parenting by the Book Ep 3

Too often, parents are taught to view their children through fear, pressure, and deficiency. But God’s design is never careless. The very area that has caused you the most concern may be the place where His intentionality is most deeply seen.

This episode is a call to shift your perspective. Your child is not a problem to solve before they are worthy of love. Your child is already worthy because they were created by God with purpose, dignity, and value.

If this message resonated with you and you’d like deeper guidance, you can connect with Dr. Eko and access her book below:

📖 Get the book here: https://amzn.to/4mi2o47

Listen to the full episode on your favorite podcast platform and check out the video version on our YouTube channel!

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Transcript

Seeing Your Child By Design

SPEAKER_00 0:27

Hello everyone, good morning, good afternoon, whenever you're watching this. So I wanted to talk with us today about loving your child as designed by God. Right? The part of your child that has cost you the most pain, the most worry is usually the part where God's intentional design for your child and for your family is most evident. And that sounds very contradictory, right? But you know, that's where faith comes in, and that's where trust comes in. And yes, I'm trying to turn off my phone as I talk so I don't get disturbed with it. So as a parent, as a fellow parent, right, we are trained to look at what's wrong with our children or where things are not going well. But I want to encourage you today to start the process of retraining your mind and your brain to look at how did God designed your child and look at your child from that lens, right? And not from a lens of deficiency or deficit or not enough or comparison. Because God does not create children randomly or by accident. No child is an accident. Every child has been created by God with purpose, with design, and with intention and with dignity, and they are worth, they are they are worthy, they are valuable, and it's so important and crucial that as parents we see our children that way. Because definitely your children know when that's not being done, right? And as parents, we want to do the best for our children. So I'm here to encourage you today, as parents, that your perception of who your child is, God's your perception of God's design for your child becomes stronger than the world's labels, right? Psalm 139, which I'm gonna read real quick, um, from verse 13 to 16, says, You made all the delicate inner parts of my body, and you knit me together in my mother's womb. Thank you for making me so wonderfully complex. Your workmanship is marvelous, how well I know it. You watch me being formed in utter seclusion as I was woven together in the dark of the womb. You saw me before I was born. Every day of my life was recorded in your book. Every moment was laid out before a single day had passed. How precious are your thoughts about me, oh God, they cannot be numbered. Now, if that doesn't make you stop and pause, I don't know what will. Because that's that that collection of verses just is a glimpse into how God sees us as parents, as children, how God sees us and the amount of thought and wonder and design he puts into each of our lives, right? No matter what it looks like right now. And so this means that your child's life is not random. And I want you to remember that their personalities, their wiring, the sensitivities they have. Remember, diagnosis just talks about needs your child has. The diagnosis does not define your child. And that's one thing I tell every parent I talk to. You, your child's identity is not wrapped up in their diagnosis. We give diagnosis so that your child can have support, the support they need at school, at the therapy place, at home, whatever their needs are, but that's not their identity. Their identity is formed in who God called them to be, right? So it's very important as parents because it's so easy if your child has a diagnosis, for example, of autism, of ADHD, or whatever the diagnosis is, right? For you to parent from a place of grief and oh my goodness, my child didn't turn out the way I thought they would. But I'm I'm here to encourage you and just to remind you that God sees all of this, right? And God knows, he knew about it before your child ever showed up in your family, and he will equip you and he'll give you the capacity and all the empowerment and encouragement you need to parent your child well from a place of being seen the way God sees them. So, what can we do? Right? How can we practically how do we put this into practice in our everyday lives? And that's a great question. I'm glad you asked. So, the first place I want to start with is encouraging you to stop comparing your children to anyone else. It's so easy to look around and say, oh my goodness, that child is doing that at two years old. This child is saying two words together and mine isn't, or this child makes good eye contact and mine doesn't, or this child is excelling in whatever in counting and doing all of the things, and mine doesn't. But all that does for you as a parent is place their perceived deficits in front of you, and that's all you can see, right? All you can see is what they're not good at, and all you can see is what's not enough in their lives, and you completely miss the gifts that they are. Every child has a gift and has gifts placed inside of them. I just finished talking to a mom who um who I was evaluating her child for autism, and she told me that when she speaks to him, he he glances at her and immediately turns away. But when she sings to him, he listens and comes running immediately. Can you believe that? So it's like he walks around the house singing. Now tell me if that's not a gift, right? So that's the kind of thing I encourage parents to do is how can you become a detective of your child and investigate all the amazing goodness God has placed inside of your child? And if you if you're busy comparing, you will overlook something like a gift like music. That child, I'm sure, as he grows up, will be will excel at music. He's already a singer, right? And he responds to song. So, and that definitely cuts down on frustration. So instead of mom getting upset that he doesn't pay attention to her when she speaks to him, she's recognized very early, she said, even before he was one, that he he gravitated towards song. And that's how you can start to look at your child from the lens of God's design for your child. And that is simply amazing. Because I was telling her, yes, you gotta boost that if he needs more music lessons or just put the instruments in front of him, whatever it is he needs to blow something that gift. That's what we want to do for our children, right? Yes. So please do not compare your children to anyone else, any other children, because that definitely robs you of peace, it robs you of joy, it robs you of all the goodness that God has placed inside of your child and the reason he put them in your um family. So, another important point I wanted to bring up is that you build support about who around who your child is. Don't force your child into every expectation without asking yourself this question. Is that expectation-wise? Is that necessary for my child at this age, at this point in their life? Am I doing this because everybody else expects my child to be doing that? You know, we want to really examine who our children are so that way we can place safeguards around them and not expose them to people who are gonna put them down and not see them the way God sees them. And it's so critical it starts at home, right? Home is where the first teaching happens, home is where safety is, home is where love, they should experience love first, right? And so, as parents, we want to make sure we put that safeguard in place and um also be ready to respond to outside voices that may come in and want to say things that will put your child down or put your child in a box and say your child can do the ABCD. So, like I tell the parents I give diagnosis to the diagnosis of autism or ADHD, I say to them, I want you to remember that this diagnosis does not define who your child is and what they're capable of. And if anybody tells you that your child cannot speak, talk, will never live by themselves, nobody knows the answer to that question. Nobody can say that. So you never want to accept that input, right? Because then it starts to change your perception, perception of who your child is, and definitely thoughts create our actions, right? So if your perception is already skewed, definitely your actions won't line up with how God would love you to parent, like parenting God's way, parenting by the book, parenting with the design and template God has set out for us, right? So it's important to speak life over your child, speak identity and belonging over your child every day. That's our holy calling as parents, is that God has placed these precious children in our in our um guardianship, if you want to call it, in our care, right? For us to speak life to them. And what does that look like? That looks like reflecting on where your thoughts are and how you see your child in spite of the frustrations, in spite of all the things that may be difficult, like for example, if your child isn't sleeping, isn't eating well, all of those things can create frustration, but it's asking yourself that because out of that overflow is how you'll address your child, right? And also speaking life to your child. So saying reminding them who they are, and this goes for verbal or non-verbal children. Say it, just keep speaking it. Words are powerful, words are things, words are things, right? Words create power. God says in his word that he honors his word above his name. That goes for us too. So it's so important what you say to your child and react and work on ourselves as parents. How can we react less to our children and respond more, right? And it's also important to note that behavior is communication, right? Your child is trying to communicate with you, and how you receive that is how you respond, right? So remembering that a meltdown is an event, it's not their identity. Behavior is information, and so when you see behavior, their behavior, and you see their need from that lens, then it helps you adjust better, it helps you become, it helps you just able to embrace them where they are, knowing that they won't always be there, right? That we are going to continue to look out for progress. And lots of my mentors always say, What are your wins, right? So I'm challenging you today, parents. So look at what are the things that your children didn't do last week that they're doing this week. And it could be the tiniest thing. Did your child make eye contact for a little bit longer this week than last week? That's a win. Did your child say please and use their words more than they did last week? That's a win. Did your child follow your one-step direction this week versus last week? That's a win. And the more wins we collect, the better our, the better we see our children, the better we feel ourselves as parents, the more joy is found in the home. And in this world that we live in, we desperately need joy in our homes, right? And so it all stems from what we are thinking and the thoughts in our minds, right? So I wanted to encourage you, right? Um, we've we've talked a lot, and we've I think I've talked about two or three different things, but reflect, pause and reflect. Where are the places where you have compared your child? In what areas have you compared your child to others without seeing them clearly, right? What part of your child's design have you misunderstood? And how can you fix that? What strength, beauty, or pattern did you overlook in your child? That's critical to who they are, right? How can you communicate this to your child this week to help them know that they are loved before performance? That's your love for them is not based on how good they are and how how many less tantrums they have, but it's based on who they are because they are God's valuable creature. Yes. And so our prayer and my prayer for you today is that you will ask God to open your eyes to see your child the way He sees your child. That's simple. Not through fear, not through comparison, not through pressure. Just ask God to help you to see your child, the dignity he's placed inside of your child, and to teach you, the parent, to teach your child with wisdom, with love, to respond with to them with patience, as hard as it is sometimes. Yes, absolutely. Please respond to them. And asking God to show you where you are focused on their deficits versus their strengths. That's so critical to change because I'm telling you, and I'd love to hear from you when you start to see your children from a straight strength-based place. Definitely. Sky's the limit, it's amazing where where uh and how things improve. So I have a homework for you. So I want you to write down three strengths you see in your child this week, and one way you'll intentionally connect with them this week. And please let us know. Love to hear feedback from you. Leave your comments below and let us know. I have an amazing book. I wrote Children's Love Letters, a Pediatrician's Guide to How Your Child Spells Love. And in here, we have little stories, but also space for you to. I don't think you can see clearly. We have space for you to write your reflection, your thoughts about how you can do things differently. So we're gonna put a description in the comments so that you can get that, and it will be so helpful as you go along this journey because it is a journey, right? And we haven't appeared, none of us have arrived, and there is no manual, but we're all here to encourage each other as we go on this journey. So, no, we are praying for you. And if you need any resources, if you need any help, reach out to us at Globe Pediatrics. We are here to work alongside you. So, until the next time, have an amazing day, and please subscribe, please share this with anyone you haven't. Please do because we want lots and lots and lots and millions and millions of parents to hear and be encouraged that they are not alone, they are not forgotten, and that they're amazing parents, and that God has not left them. So take care and be blessed.