Brain Power with Dr. Eko

EP. 40 | Empowering Families to Overcome Fear and Celebrate Success, with Dr. Dannette Taylor

• Dr. Hokehe Eko • Season 1 • Episode 40

Share episode

How do you maintain hope and resilience when faced with the challenges of raising a child with disabilities? Together with Dr. Dannette Taylor, a dedicated advocate and coach for parents in similar situations, we unravel the emotional journey that comes with diagnoses like ADHD and autism. Dr. Taylor opens up about her personal experiences and stresses the transformative power of focusing on a child's strengths and potential. Her roadmap guides parents in turning obstacles into achievable goals, illustrating how a positive mindset and recognition of small victories can pave the way for unique family success stories.

We also shed light on the often-overlooked necessity of parental self-care and the importance of support systems. Misunderstandings about needing personal time are dispelled, highlighting how taking breaks is crucial for maintaining mental clarity and resilience. Through candid stories, including one about Dr. Taylor's son overcoming his delayed speech, we explore how facing fears head-on can empower parents to grow alongside their children. This episode is a heartfelt blend of empathy and practical advice, aimed at encouraging parents to share valuable insights with their community and build a supportive environment where every family member can thrive.

Connect with Dr. Taylor!
Website: www.drdannettetaylor.com
IG: drdannettetaylor
YouTube: @dannettetaylor

Find the full episode on your favorite podcast platform and check out the video version on our YouTube channel!

CONNECT WITH ME!
If you want to schedule an ADHD/Autism appointment for your child, you may contact Glow Pediatrics:

🌐 Website: www.glowpediatrics.com
📱 Instagram: @drhokeheeko / @glowpediatrics
📧 dreko@glowpediatrics.com
👍 Facebook: Dr.HokeheEko / glowpediatrics
💼 LinkedIn: hokeheeffiongmd

Dr. Hokehe Eko:

Hello parents, Welcome to another episode of Brain Power with Dr Eko, so thrilled to have you here with us. And of course, I have an amazing guest, Dr Dannette Taylor. She's an amazing mom, an amazing advocate and she coaches parents of children with disabilities. So, without further ado, welcome Dr Taylor.

Dr. Dannette Taylor:

Thank you so much for having me, I am so excited to be here with you today. And so, like you said, I am an advocate and a coach, and the very interesting thing about me is that the families that I serve I'm actually one of those families myself so I started this journey 24 years ago with my son that has autism and, as a result, I ended up spending some time in the public school system as an educator. I was a special ed teacher, a special ed administrator, an assistant principal, and then transitioned into becoming a parent advocate after realizing that there are so many more pieces to this puzzle for being a parent of a child with a disability.

Dr. Hokehe Eko:

And I know what you'll have to share with us today is going to bless so many parents and just help them go from guilt and not feeling good about themselves or their children to a place where they can feel better, do better, and so that's what we want. So you talked about the fact that you're an advocate and you also have lived experience, so can you tell us some practical things that you like to talk to parents about? I think we talked about in the area of mindset. So I do the diagnosis and evaluation of children with ADHD and autism and then, after I've delivered this news to them, they often feel blindsided or maybe not, but often that it comes with that sense of just dread and feeling like how are we going to get through this? And so I think what we're going to discuss today is going to be so helpful to helping parents realize that the diagnosis that they've been given doesn't define their children or their lives.

Dr. Dannette Taylor:

Absolutely, absolutely, and that is just it. Oftentimes, when a parent receives that diagnosis, it's almost like their world has stopped Right. Their world has stopped right. And so three things that I absolutely enjoy talking to families about, especially moms it's vision, strength and resilience, that triad thing. I think that every parent they have to develop those things once you're on a journey with a child that has a disability, right. And so the biggest and probably the hardest piece of getting that diagnosis is really embracing it, because in our mind, once we have a child, we've already planned that child's whole life out before they're even born. We've decided what they're going to be, who they're going to marry, what they're going to do for a career. We've done everything, and once you get that diagnosis, for many families they feel as though their life has basically hit a brick wall.

Dr. Dannette Taylor:

So one of the major things that I love to talk about is vision, and it's basically seeing beyond your child's limitation, right? So you basically have to build a vision that's rooted in possibility and not limitation, so you can't get bogged down with what others have to say about what your child can't do, right? It's basically what do you see for your child in the future? What do you see for your child? Even in that moment, that's what matters. So the diagnosis? Then you know your child has autism and the diagnosis says, okay, right now they have language difficulties, right now they have difficulties with socialization. But it is just that it's a right now moment, and when you put that work in, when you have that vision of where your child, where you want your child to go and to be, you put that plan in place and you start to act on that plan. And so you've got to create a vision that looks past the challenges, into what you want to see for tomorrow and, and more importantly, into your child's potential.

Dr. Dannette Taylor:

Your child's future doesn't necessarily have to look like anyone else's in order for it to be successful, because your journey is a unique journey and it's unique to you, it's unique to your child and unique to your family, and that's ultimately where the power lies, in your infrastructure that you create for your child. And sometimes people put those limitations in front of them versus putting the possibilities in front of them. And you know the vision is your roadmap and when you create that kind of crystal clear idea of where you want to go, the obstacles actually become smaller instead of bigger, so you don't get shaken up every time you know something goes wrong or something doesn't go the way you want it to go. Because you continuously focus forward on that vision and you build it, you believe it and you just you know you let it guide your steps.

Dr. Hokehe Eko:

Right, yeah, yes, oh my goodness. Your steps right, yeah, yes, oh my goodness, so powerful, all the things you've just said, the vision and possibilities and seeing past the limitations. Because, yes, and that's one thing I make sure I, I tell parents, every child has a strength and gifts, and let's, together, find what those strengths are and boost them. Because you're so right, when we look at what can't happen or what we think can't happen, then it just magnifies it even more so. Wow, thank you so much for pointing that out. That's so important absolutely.

Dr. Dannette Taylor:

And the second piece of it is strength. And so often parents are looking for those big wins and I can say this with all honesty, because when my son was younger, I was that parent. I'm looking for those big wins, I'm looking for those monumental jumps, right? We all know that it's the small things, the incremental things that develop to be the bigger thing. And so strength as a parent, it's not about you know those big jumps, it's not about you doing everything right, it's not about getting everything right. It's really just about showing up for yourself, first and foremost, and for your child every single day, no matter how tough things get.

Dr. Dannette Taylor:

One of the things that I have seen in my experience and I also suffered with this as well earlier on, when my son was younger was getting into a place of paralysis, right.

Dr. Dannette Taylor:

So I get so overwhelmed by the fact that things aren't going the way that I want them to go.

Dr. Dannette Taylor:

The growth is not happening fast enough, he's not talking quick enough, he's not saying enough words, you know, and you kind of just stay stagnant and you're like, okay, well, I don't know what to do, so I basically do nothing right.

Dr. Dannette Taylor:

But a part of your strength is realizing that consistent action is what's needed. So, instead of allowing yourself to get overwhelmed with what you perceive as a lack of progress, which you perceive as a lack of progress, you continue to take those small, consistent steps that actually help you to build momentum and you're going to see your child start to make progress. And one of those things about progress that we have to understand as moms is that we have to look at just that progress, not perfection, yes, and that's not only for ourselves, because a lot of us are really hard on ourselves. It's for our children as well. So, every time you know you advocate, every time you support your child through a new obstacle, a new challenge, you're basically showing them and, more importantly, you're showing yourself that you're stronger than anything, than any obstacle that can possibly be placed in front of you.

Dr. Hokehe Eko:

That can be applied in every area work, relationships, every area of our lives. Right, this mind of ours, something right Because it makes it can magnify the things we focus on. So it's about focusing on. I'm just going to keep doing this one step and asking for help. What are your thoughts on parents that feel overwhelmed and how can they move past that to ask for help?

Dr. Dannette Taylor:

Oh, that community is paramount. That is how you gain and maintain your strength, because sometimes you have to get help from people, and some of us have that super mom syndrome. Oh, we can do it all by ourselves, but the reality is, why would you? You don't need to right, and. And that assistance, that support and that help can come from any number of places. It can come from family, it can come from friends, it can come from a teacher at the school, it can come from friends, it can come from a teacher at the school, it can come from a community organization, it can come from a therapist, it can come from pretty much anywhere.

Dr. Dannette Taylor:

And so the idea that you have to do it alone is not a good idea at all, because you shouldn't do it alone, alone. One of the things that I talk to parents about is making sure that you take a break from your children. Right, and I've had people say take a break. You know that's my child, I love my child. Taking a break from your child does not mean that you don't love your child. We know you loved your child, but you and your child sometimes need a break from each other to reset and so ask for that help. So you have an opportunity to reset, because when you reset you have basically put yourself in a better place than you were in after months, weeks, for some people years, of just continuing to do it by yourself.

Dr. Dannette Taylor:

And I've had some families, you know, some moms say, well, I don't really have any help, or people don't want to. You know, help me with my child because of behaviors and those types of things. But you got to know that where there's a will there's a way, right, and so anything that you want, bad enough, you'll figure it out. And so there are also organizations that provide respite care and I know parents are often like, well, I don't know these people. Well, you take an opportunity to try to get to know them before you have them come in and stay with your child. Maybe they come in but you don't actually leave the home. You know what I mean.

Dr. Dannette Taylor:

But you've got to figure out a way to get that support, because that support is needed for your mental health and for your mindset, because you just really have to be in a place to do this. I make the analogy all the time about you know, being on an airplane and they tell you, you know when they read those instructions to you at the very beginning and they tell you that you know something happens on the aircraft to make sure that you put your oxygen mask on before you put your child's oxygen mask on. And the reason they tell you that is because if you don't take care of you, there's no way you're going to be able to take care of your child. And the frame goes here If you don't take time to reset and maintain a certain level of mental clarity for yourself, there's no way you're going to have the strength to continue this journey, and your child needs you, yeah.

Dr. Hokehe Eko:

Absolutely. Your child needs you. Your child needs a good, healed version of you, because it doesn't matter if your child has disabilities or not. They still feed off of you, Right? And so if we want our children now, it's not about, oh, it's my fault now, no, I mean for your own sake. You want to be the healthiest you can be, and I mean that in every sense of the word mentally, physically, all around.

Dr. Dannette Taylor:

And something I want to say about strength too. You know, strength is not about that. You don't feel fear, right? You feel the fear because sometimes this life is scary. When you have a child with a disability, when you have a child with autism, it is scary, but you still have to put one foot in front of the other and take action, regardless of the fear. And so I tell parents all the time sometimes you have to do it scared.

Dr. Dannette Taylor:

My son is 24 now, and when he graduated from high school, you know not, a whole lot was going on, and one of the things that we had done, we had gotten a driver's evaluation to see if he had the ability to learn how to drive. Now, mind you, my son didn't talk till he was five years old. To learn how to drive. Now, mind you, my son didn't talk till he was five years old. So and that was with echolalia, right, that was his language at five. And so in my mind I'm thinking about all the obstacles that he had gone through and there's no way in my mind that he could learn how to drive. But he did this evaluation and the professional said mom, yes, he can learn how to drive, he has the ability to do so. Now I know you can imagine the terror and the fear that I had in releasing that to say, okay, you know what I'm willing to try. My whole point is even though things are scary sometimes, you still have to make a decision and do things through the fear.

Dr. Dannette Taylor:

Okay, yep, yep. And when you push through with those things and you just keep showing up, you'll be amazed at the height at which they grow. And you know, things just kind of start to snowball in a good way, right? They start to meet one obstacle, then another obstacle, then another one, and then, before you know it, you're like I don't even recognize that child from years ago, because I can't believe that this is the child that at one point could not talk or could only repeat back what I said to him.

Dr. Hokehe Eko:

No, that's so wonderful Because you had to walk through the same process you're telling us, telling parents to do right now, the process of letting go. That's right. Right of the fear that, oh my gosh, what if, what if? But I'm glad you did and I'm glad. I'm sure he's glad you did too.

Dr. Dannette Taylor:

Absolutely, absolutely, and and I'm I know it's so hard for parents, but the one thing that they have to have is resilience, right, and the power to bounce back even when you kind of get knocked down or even when you know the progress that is being made isn't at the rate at which you would like to see. Right, because that resilience is what's going to be able to help keep you moving forward. And it's not just about getting through the day or the moment, or even that year. It's just about bouncing back from those obstacles. It's about learning and growing stronger with every experience. And when you hit a wall, you know resilience tells you OK, I hit a wall, but this is not the end. It's an opportunity to just to try a different approach. You know it's an opportunity to just to try a different approach. You know it's an opportunity to try something else.

Dr. Dannette Taylor:

You know it's like right now there's a lot of talk about, you know how certain methodologies aren't good anymore for kids, right, and so if something is not working for your family, it's not a matter of OK, I'm doomed, this didn't work out for my child, but it worked out for everybody else's child. It's a matter of saying, ok, that didn't work out for my child, but it worked out for everybody else's child. It's a matter of saying, okay, that didn't work, but I know something else can work and let me go ahead and see who I can get connected to, to find out what other options there are, and continue to push through. You know that's exactly how progress is made. It's pushing through, it's step by step and it's what you build, and sometimes the setback is set up to be a comeback right.

Dr. Hokehe Eko:

You can say that again all day. The truth, oh my goodness, I wouldn't be sitting here if I didn't push through. It's the absolute truth.

Dr. Dannette Taylor:

And something else, too, that I don't think that we often give enough credit for. Even though our children have a disability, they're watching us and they're learning from us, right, and so our children are learning resilience from us, and they're watching us as we face various challenges and as we, you know, get knocked down and get back up, and you know when we're able to model, how we move forward and push through and how resilient there are. That trickles down to them. That trickles down to them, you know, because you're going to be teaching them the same thing too, you know.

Dr. Hokehe Eko:

Yes, we are their biggest best teachers. So I should inform the adjustments we make on ourselves and the growth we allow in ourselves, so that our children can pick up from that and grow as well and gain the strength to push through the fear, because I'm sure they feel and grow as well and come here and and gain the strength to push through the fear, because I'm sure they feel fear too as well. Absolutely, we are sharing them on and and, so that gives them the strength to realize that they can wow, that's so, that's so wonderful. So, please, parents, you've heard all of this. You heard about vision, you heard about strength and resilience, those three things so critical to being the best version of yourself. And again, there's no perfection, like Dr Taylor said right, we're all here to just be 1% better than we were yesterday, and everybody's in your own lane, not comparing themselves and their children to other families.

Dr. Dannette Taylor:

Absolutely so. That comparison is one of those things that really can kill your dreams, right? And not even so much about comparing yourself to other families, but sometimes comparing within your own family, comparing children, right, comparing your sibling that also may have a child with a disability. So it's so important that we make sure that we recognize that our unique journey is our unique journey. It doesn't matter how you think that you're measuring apples to apples, because this is a child with the same disability as yours, or this is a mom that has a child with the same disability as your child. It is not. It's always apples to apples, apples to apples.

Dr. Dannette Taylor:

And the only way you can compare apples to apples is when you compare yourself against yourself, yourself against yourself. And the only time that you do that is when you're comparing am I a better version of myself than I was last year, the year before, last week? Right, and so you're moving towards making yourself the best version of yourself so you can have the best possible version of your child. And so the comparison. That's the way to cause yourself to be in a state of mind that you're not moving forward, because, at the end of the day, you don't know what someone else is going through anyway, and what you know is what you see on the outside looking in, and oftentimes we think that you know another child with the same disability. Oh, they have it much easier than I do because my child has this going on, and that's not necessarily the case. We want to make sure that we use ourselves as the barometer and not anyone else, because it's just a recipe for disaster. Yeah.

Dr. Hokehe Eko:

That would be 100% correct. Oh, my goodness, thank you so much for sharing your wisdom and all the experience you've had, and I know that you are a parent coach and you're an advocate, so can you please tell parents how they can get in touch with you to learn more about how you can be of service to them?

Dr. Dannette Taylor:

Absolutely. They can find me on social media, dr Dannette Taylor. They can also find me on the website www. drdannettetaylor. com, as well as on YouTube. My YouTube channel is fairly new, but I'll be sharing information with parents about navigating the special needs journey as it relates to education, training, independence and parenting.

Dr. Hokehe Eko:

Wonderful. Please do yourself a big favor and go check her out. And thank you so much again for coming on today. It's been very enriching just to listen to you. You have such a wonderful way of speaking, so thank you so much for sharing with our audience.

Dr. Dannette Taylor:

Thank you so much for having me. I appreciate it.

Dr. Hokehe Eko:

My pleasure. Parents, so you've heard it. Please share this with family, friends, loved ones that need to hear this and that may be going through a hard time reconciling the diagnosis of their child, so that you can be of help to them as well. Until next time, have a wonderful day.