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Brain Power with Dr. Eko
Brain Power with Dr. Eko is a podcast dedicated to sharing practical strategies for addressing the 4 pillars of health: Brain, Gut, Emotional and Environmental health for both parents and children.
Brain Power with Dr. Eko
EP. 38 | Redefining Fatherhood in the Autism Journey, with Jamiel Owens
What if redefining fatherhood could transform how we understand and support our children with autism? This episode features the inspiring Mr. Jamiel Owens, a dedicated advocate for fathers within the autism community. Jamiel shares his remarkable journey from facing personal challenges at a young age to his current role as Family Relations Coordinator at the Center for Autism Research at CHOP. With passion and insight, he highlights the crucial, yet often overlooked, role fathers play in supporting children on the autism spectrum. Our conversation uncovers his mission to empower and inspire other fathers through his radio show and various initiatives.
Communication and empathy are the cornerstones of effective parenting, especially for those raising children with autism. We explore the need for fathers to prioritize their children's needs while seeking support from partners or communities. Mothers, in turn, are encouraged to communicate their needs clearly, understanding that men may process emotions differently. We also delve into the importance of straightforward communication when dealing with law enforcement and healthcare professionals to foster understanding and prevent misunderstandings. This episode offers practical insights into creating a supportive environment for both parents and children.
Jamiel shares the transformative power of genuine connection through personal stories, illustrating how these moments recharge us beyond material possessions. We challenge societal stigmas, encouraging parents to engage actively and intentionally with their children, breaking stereotypes, and understanding their unique perspectives. Embracing therapy and open communication is essential, especially among men, where seeking help is seen as a strength. We discuss the metaphor of the "white picket fence" and encourage parents to embrace their imperfections, allowing their children to define happiness on their own terms. With resources, including Jamiel's book and nonprofit, we provide a roadmap for further support and engagement in the autism community.
Connect with Jamiel!
Instagram: theausomeshow
Find the full episode on your favorite podcast platform and check out the video version on our YouTube channel!
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Hello friends and families. Welcome to another episode of Brain Power with Dr Echo. It's such a pleasure to be here with you today. I have an amazing guest. He is no other than Mr Jamiel Owens. He interviewed me on his show the Awesome Dad and I had such a good time I had to bring him on here so that he could share his awesomeness with all of you. So welcome to the show, mr Owens.
Speaker 2:Thank you, thank you, thank you. I appreciate being here and you know we were just talking beforehand. I might be the first father that you have on this podcast, so it was definitely a pleasure to be in this space and represent dads for the first one, because there will be plenty more. Hopefully we won't speak to each other, but I appreciate it and, yes, you were a guest on the show the awesome show and it was amazing to connect with you and I'm excited about this relationship that we'll build, this friendship and supporting you any way possible.
Speaker 1:Yes, and same here too. So tell the listeners more about you, please.
Speaker 2:So, if you have not known already, I am an autism father. My son, shane, is 16 years old. You see the flag up.
Speaker 2:There we go In back of me. So I'm a volunteer firefighter here in Hatfield, pa. That's where I live at currently right now, about an hour outside of Philadelphia. I was born in Houston, texas, raised in North Philadelphia, lived in Philadelphia all my life and decided to just move on out to the county now to get some slow, slow living and some bunnies and stuff like that. You know, just a little bit of green grass and everything. But I've been advocating in this space for Autism Fathers since 2014, with the start of my podcast, which was an awesome show and then later transformed into a online radio show and then an online television show, and now is back on online radio at wizradiocom, which is a online radio station christian music, christian hip-hop music, based out of new jersey excuse me, uh, shout out to dj wiz. So that's a little bit about me. Also, too, I am the family relations coordinator at the center for autism research at chop and and really just love everything that I. So that's me in a nutshell wonderful, wow.
Speaker 1:So it's actually a radio show. I had no idea. I thought it was just an ig show. Good to know yeah, it's both.
Speaker 2:So I like to do the IG because a lot of people are in the mindset to listen to podcasts. A lot of people are, but I like like people to see who we are talking about for the most part, and I know a lot of podcast platforms are allowing the visual aspect as well too. So once I kind of make more time I'm able to kind of sit down and actually do that. But right now I'm busy, and the reason why I'm busy because it's like boots on the ground doing stuff 100%.
Speaker 1:And isn't that what life is about? Right, we need to live out our purpose, so that's wonderful.
Speaker 2:I'm trying.
Speaker 1:So let's talk some more about advocating for dads in the autism space and I came on your show because I was like whoa, a dad. Finally, because as a pediatrician I see so many moms right and it's rare the dads I see. So I really applaud you for what you're doing, but please tell our listeners more about what you do and how you encourage dads to be more involved.
Speaker 2:So and I get that all the time and I guess that's kind of like my niche. That's the reason why I've been so well-received in this community, because there hasn't been a lot of dads but then again there has. I know two dads, but the thing with them is that and it's no disrespect once again people see they're actually doctors, so people see them as their profession and not so much as an actual father. So there are dads in this space. But I will also advocate to say that there's not enough. And I get a lot of great rave and reviews and honor because I'm doing this type of work and it goes a little bit. If I, if I sat down and kind of like really opened up to how my life was back then, to where I'm at now, you'll be like, oh and why? Because it it didn't make sense. So I'll give you a little brief synopsis of my life.
Speaker 2:I've been on my own since 16. I was actually kicked out of my house by my mom. She suffered from schizophrenia and depression, so the streets basically raised me. I had to figure out what life was as a young man at 16 and kind of continue to go. I never finished high school, which is like one of my biggest regrets. I went to one of the best high schools. That still is one of the best high schools in Philadelphia Central High School, and the reason why I didn't graduate is because, just like a lot of Black men, we don't open up and tell what's going on with us, and I won't want to take it from the black and brown community, but I want to take it for all men. We don't open up that much and talk about our feelings.
Speaker 2:So I internalized everything and that halted a lot of my educational possibilities. I didn't do work and everything like that, obviously. And then I got kicked out and I went to a school that was quote unquote, a neighborhood school, according to addresses, previous address. And then I got kicked out and I went to a school that was quote unquote in neighborhood school, according to addresses, previous address. And I was like this is not for me anymore.
Speaker 2:So I got my GED and just started working, and when I mean working, I was holding like two, three, four jobs at one time because my mindset was to not be poor. But I ended up for a lot of years being poor in spirit and integrity and rich in financially, financially risk, but all of those was poor because once again, the streets raised me so fast forward to now. You look at everything that I have been blessed to be able to do being able to still be alive and not in prison and not you know, you know and so many other things that normally African-American males, black men, have been, and historically you know, I'm blessed to be able to love on everybody, no matter what their skin color, is religion. That's really an eye-opener for me and a blessing. It gives me life every single day. So I'm living the dream.
Speaker 1:Something that you said is so important. You said you were rich in finances but poor in everything else. Can you talk about that a little more, Because I think that's an important mindset for people to realize and that there has to be balance all around?
Speaker 2:And it is. And until you get to a good place in that journey, you will never be able to do. What I did was to actually say it or talk about it. You will be more so.
Speaker 2:Like every other child, I grew up in church. You know, when we say that we grew up in church, our grandparents took us to church even though we didn't want to be there. I remember vaguely I went to Bible school and I remember I had to actually memorize a whole chapter was it for a particular book in the Bible? And I memorized the entire thing. I memorized this to the point where, when I was actually reciting it, the entire church stood up in ovation. That's how I remember that. And then when my great-grandmother passed, who took me away, I just totally forgot it because it was associated with our earth. So, as most of us do forgot it because it was associated with our. So, as most of us do majority of us do I just lived off the world and I was really, really about me, so using people for what I can use them for, just trying to get ahead of everybody else.
Speaker 2:I'm not there for my son at the young age. I missed three or four years of his life because of the diagnosis and I'm like, no, I'm going to just do me and figure it out, and things like that. So I really had to come into a focus of spirituality and what that was for me, and it helped me to understand the beauty in my son and why God gave me this gift for my life, cause my life was trash Like what's going on the wrong, wrong path and my belief and I don't want to impose my beliefs on anybody else, but my belief is that God gave me this child to impose my actual purpose on this planet, because he knew I was going to squander that away. You know, I always wanted to be a police officer in public service. You know, firefighter, and God was like I'm going to use you as a public service.
Speaker 2:You know, firefighter, and, and, and God was like I'm going to use you as a public servant. But you're going to be a public servant for those just like your son and you're going to find more, more fulfillment and enrichment and loving in others and pouring out and pouring yourself empty, and your, your, your cup is going to be refilled from the love that they receive and give back to you and what I do for you. So it's important. It's important, vitally important, and I'm not here to make case on what religion you should practice, but find a spiritual grounding, because that is the only thing that's going to make you accountable and a better person for every single body, not just your family, not just your community, for everybody on this planet, and we need that nowadays.
Speaker 1:Yes, we need that and you're absolutely right. Yes, I believe God puts us here for a purpose and he wants to use us in whatever it is we find our hands to do With you. You found your purpose in helping other dads love on their kids and be there for their kids. So you also mentioned something earlier about when you first had the diagnosis for your son. You missed three or four years of life and I feel like a lot of dads grieve the child that they were expecting. I mean, it's not just dads, moms. But since you're a dad, we're going to talk about other dads, right? So can you talk to dads about that process of how can they walk through that grieving process to accept the child and see their children as gifts?
Speaker 2:I definitely can. The first part I want to say for the father specifically man up, this is not about you. So when I'm talking to my dads because this was a hard pill I had to swallow you have to understand the moment you have child, the moment of conception in that woman, in your wife, in your partner. Whatever the case may be, it is no longer about you. Often, as fathers, as men, we immediately spring into action to provide, but then we get barreled backwards when we're like but what about me? It's not about you. You have to man up, you have to educate yourself. You have to lean on your partner, if that's possible. If that's not possible, if you guys are not together, you must lean on a community of other dads, if there is, if you're, you know other moms, other families that are actually going through this journey. That's for the dads, for the moms. You have to be sympathetic to understand that the language that you speak as a woman does not correlate the language that's understood as a man.
Speaker 2:We desire to fix things and when we receive this diagnosis and I'm speaking from my own personal thing we are given a certificate that says hey, guess what, you can't fix things. And when we receive this diagnosis and I'm speaking from my own personal thing we are given a certificate that says hey, guess what? You can't fix this. That is a strike on our ego and pride. So, though, moms, we are internalizing that because we are the strength, or trying to be the strength, of the family, the communication or what you actually need at that moment must be, at layman's terms hey, babe, honey, I need a hug, because at that moment we're trying to process why we can't fix it, how we could go around that and fix it. And then the last thing, unfortunately and we apologize is you and your feelings. It's all about us when we receive that diagnosis. So do a favor by just simply explaining what you need.
Speaker 2:And sometimes you know, as couples, as men and women, married couples, we're like well, I shouldn't have to explain my partnership, manomi, we're not mind readers, you're not mind readers. So the same thing, fathers, we're not mind readers, you're not mind readers. So the same thing, fathers, you must, in lamest terms, explain to your partner, your wife hey, babe, I'm having a hard time internalizing this. Can you help educate me, like you're educated, on what autism spectrum disorder looks like? What are some things that our child is doing Characteristics that are highlighted in this particular piece of document. It's about communication, and it's going to be tested even more after the diagnosis.
Speaker 1:That was so. Oh my goodness, that was so true. We each think each other is a mind reader and it's really about empathy and communication, right? Each person looking out for the best of the other person, saying I know this is hard, I know it's hard to hear, but I'm here for you, right? Each person looking out for the best of the other person saying I know this is hard, I know it's hard to hear, but I'm here for you, right? And just stating what we need. Yes, I hear you. I always tell my mom, tell the dads what you need. They have no idea because we women are like you should know.
Speaker 2:Some of us men are like yeah, you should know, and it's not fair. It's not fair generalized to people. I'm not a money reader, like you have to know. So let's take a perfect example. Let's take a perfect example and I'm going to use this because I do a lot of advocacy work in law enforcement and neurodiversity A police officer pulls you over.
Speaker 2:You're a young woman with autism. He comes up to the car and he's looking at you and you're all over the place, obviously because now your anxiety has heightened. Now it's like a sensory overload, and he's immediately thinking just off of perception. He or she is like okay, we possibly have someone that's on drugs or intoxicated. Where, though, you're a person that is on the autism spectrum. Now here's the thing If you don't communicate that with the officer and sometimes a lot of people as autistics themselves they're like well, I don't want to give my diagnosis.
Speaker 2:Well, when you don't give your diagnosis on who you are, you don't advocate for yourself and you do not hold the other party accountable now of the information that you have given them. So it is important to say hey, just want to let you know, officer, I'm on the autism spectrum, so please be patient with me, bang. You're not saying, hey, I'm on an autism spectrum. I please be patient with me, bang. You're not saying hey, I'm on the autism spectrum, I live here. My blood type is this. This is my social security number. You're not giving all that information, you're just letting the officer know at that time on how he should handle the situation. You put the onus on him. So that's communication, that's letting them know. We have to do that. When it comes down to raising this child, to understanding the diagnosis together, whether you're together or not, we have to do that Even for doctors, to release that information to patients.
Speaker 2:Get away with the jargon. Hey, listen, I want to talk to you, mom and dad. Do you know anything about autism spectrum disorder? No, let me talk to you about what exactly that is and why I'm telling you this and now break it down. You know, once you just did, you just became their friend, their ally. Now you're educating them instead of telling them hey, this is what it is. Good luck, you know. So, yeah, you just got me on the ring. I was thinking about it. I'm like, let me put my little two gems in here real quick.
Speaker 1:I just got a really important line from what you said. That parents should teach their children is like just say I have autism and please be patient. That's it.
Speaker 1:That's all you do, the children can say that to their friends at school. The children can say that to the teachers so that they like okay, come down here because you know there's 25 kids in the class and there's like all of this going on and this child may be having sensory overload and doesn't know how to handle it. I bet you parents can tell your teachers that too.
Speaker 2:Right it's interesting because, in a society. We won't disclaim that. But we'll disclaim our identity, our pronouns. We'll disclaim that immediately. But when it comes down to neurodiversity, we hold back. And why is that? That is a part of you. So when you say, hey, I'm an autistic or I have autism, you're letting me know who you are.
Speaker 2:We are instantly thinking, oh well, they're going to devalue me as a person and that's not true. So I'm trying to really really work within the black and brown community and I get it. We have been marginalized by so many things. It's just like I don't want my child to go through it. We have been marginalized by so many things. It's just like I don't want my child to go through it. But I'm telling you as a father of a 16 year old who's on a cusp of understanding this world we're trying to. I am trying to prevent my son from being in prison or being dead because of the lack of pronunciation on who he is as a person. My name is Shane. I am a young man, a black young man, who happens to have autism. This is how I work. Please be patient and kind. Nothing wrong with it. There's nothing wrong with it.
Speaker 1:That is so empowering, because it's his identity. I mean, it's part of him. It's not something that's removed, right, and it's nothing to be ashamed of, like you said, definitely, and that's why we're doing what we do. It's like there is no, all of those barriers and all of those labels. It doesn't define your child. Your child is your precious child. It doesn't define your child. We just need your child to be protected and so if it means that's what we say, that's what we say so that we can get the best treatment. And you're absolutely right, because now the onus is on the other person, now they know, they can't claim that oh, you were just disrupted. Well, we told you.
Speaker 2:Yeah, we told you, we gave you a disclaimer, we let you know how we are, and then you didn't internalize that, you didn't think about that, and now you're coming back saying oh well, you know you're trying to put all this on us, but it's no, we gave you what we are. We gave you that information in advance for you to dissect that, to unpack that, to say, okay, how am I going to address this individual differently, not differently in a form of putting them in a corner, but how am I going to make sure and we're talking about education now as a teacher, so let's make sure people are following us how am I going to educate this person about this neurotypical life in a way that they will understand how they stand in it, empower them to continue to stand in it and to build and to move forward? We're not equipping and I'm going to put this little tidbit out there for all the teachers and the educational powers that be we're not equipping the system, the teachers, enough to understand neurodiversity. We are basing our education system on a old model from the 1800s. If you look at the first special needs school that was actually established in the United States, that was in the 1800s. Now, obviously, we have mended, we have added so many different programs.
Speaker 2:I'm not knocking down the educational system, but I will say this. You can track me down the education system is not built for neurodiversity. There is no part in the educational system that is built for neurodiversity. So what we like or I can speak as an autism parent is we need to come together. Autism parents, stop pointing a finger. Let's come together and work with these educational leaders, these administrative staff, and build up the school district to include our children for the generations to come. Because, as of right now, our children for the generations to come. Because, as of right now, there's no, there's no cure you know progression of getting rid of autism, nor should there be. That is a person that you're talking about. So we have to use proper language, language that is not ableistic, language that's going to empower autistics. We are knowing that this will be something where we will have future generations of autistic individuals.
Speaker 2:So why are we not rebuilding the education system to make sure that we are including these people? I don't understand that and I want to make sure I respect people. I respect educators, I respect the administrative staff, I respect the superintendents. What I don't respect is the lack of building and connecting in order to make something happen that's going to enrich not only now but later on down the line. I'm a, since I've been in this space, I have really been a man of action. I talk it, but I also, if you came to me, a superintendent called me off this interview and was like hey, I've seen your interview, I want to talk to you about doing some stuff. I'm rolling up my sleeves instantly and saying let's get to work, let's make it happen, let's do some things.
Speaker 1:No, no, what you said is true, because I mean, it's the same thing in the medical field. Oh, we all need to come together to continuously build and not just stay where we used to be and continuously learn. As we are learning more and more in research, we need to put that into practice and make that practical for the child. Right Now, it's like what's the rates? One in 36 kids. So you definitely have to do some work to boost the school system to be able to cater for these kids, and I like what you said teaching them about the neurotypical life where they are right and they're not neurotypical, but that's the world around them. So how do we prepare them to be the best version of themselves in vastly neurotypical world? So, yes, you're absolutely right, lots of work to do. Yes, we have to keep talking about this, for sure, and I like that you were taking action where possible.
Speaker 1:And so, for all of the teachers and educators listening, please reach out to Mr Owens. He will be amazing to come to your school and help you guys with practical strategies to move forward. Well, it didn't work. It didn't work for you. Yes, and you can call me too. Me and him can go together. That's fine, but please call him.
Speaker 2:Let's get it done.
Speaker 1:Yes, for sure. So what would you say to dads about how can they build up their sons as they're growing up, and their daughters, their kids, to understand who they are and to see themselves as able, to see themselves as valuable? What does that look like?
Speaker 2:So it and I revert this to to religion, because you know, in a Bible, in a text, it tells you to to die to oneself, right. So I had to die to who Jamil Owens was in the world, to understand, to become Jamil Owens in the kingdom's light and how everybody else will receive me. So I had to die to myself. And I tell you I'm going to give you a story, because I counsel a lot of autism fathers. I'm always getting called. That's what I love to do. They can always call me and we can kind of talk and unpack things. But this dad out of New York, he reached out to me and he's like Jamel, it's raining over here and my son will not get out of the rain. He's just standing outside in the rain looking up and he's playing and he's just in the rain and I need him to come in and I can't do it. And I asked him and I said well, why aren't you out there in?
Speaker 1:the rain.
Speaker 2:And he said because it's raining. And I said this is what I want you to do. I want you to go outside in the rain, I don't care if you get dirty, put on some clothes that you don't really care about. Sit down in the rain, lay down in the rain. But lay down in the rain and immerse yourself into his world for one moment. Understand him.
Speaker 2:That connection is not going to be verbal, it's going to be visual and it's going to be physical, and these are the things that are going to break you down in order to establish a connection with your child deeper than anything else. So he did it. I thought he wasn't going to do it, but he did it. He called me back and he's like that was amazing, like I saw for one moment. It wasn't about car payments, it wasn't about bills, it wasn't about the stressors of the world, this divorce I'm going through. It was really just about me and my son and I understood what he saw and I enjoyed it and I rejoiced in it. So I tell that story for parents because we have a lot of stressors, but it has to be that one moment, or a couple moments in life where you disconnect from this world and you enter in their world and you sit in it and you just observe how they see the world and when I tell you it'll give you an instant recharge.
Speaker 2:It will instantly recharge who you are as a person. That's my advice Remove yourself from this world. Change yourself Brand new me right, so we see that on Instagram all the time I'm reintroducing myself. Reintroduce yourself with an empathetic, compassionate version of yourself. The only way you're going to do that is by taking yourself and connecting with your child directly and just being in that moment, and then you'll attack this world and see it in a different way.
Speaker 1:So powerful, oh my goodness Wow.
Speaker 2:I've had one of those moments, too, in Puerto Rico with my goodness. Wow, I've had. I had one of those moments, too, in Puerto Rico with my son, and I can tell you I wrote about it in this book I co-authored, called Superheroes on the Spectrum. Me and 33 other authors are in that book and I wrote about my particular time with him and the rest of the family in Puerto Rico and how we just connected me and him. And you know what it was. It was me holding them up in the water and spinning around, and for that moment, philly didn't matter. In that moment, nothing else mattered but seeing him trust me and connecting in a part of who he is, because he's he's half Hispanic, so connecting in his culture, and seeing him relax and be one with nature. And that was the moment where I was like, oh, my God, like this is, this is the recharge I needed. So, yeah, I walk the walk, I talk the talk. It's not just all fun and game. I'm telling you guys, I'm letting you know.
Speaker 1:And that's true wealth. That's part of the wealth you're talking about Right, because it's true wealth. That's part of the wealth you're talking about right, because it's priceless. So it sounds like we parents need to do better about being intentional, about being present with our kids. It doesn't take hours. Let's put down our phones and actually look at these kids in the eye.
Speaker 2:If you're a divorcee and you know you get your child on the weekends, like I do. You know I do this every time I pick up Shane. I ask him so tell me about your two weeks that I haven't seen. And he runs down everything that it is with two weeks and I listen to him and I ask him questions and that's that's the rundown. But then also, too, I create that social story about what we're doing for the weekend. So I give him a structure of what to actually anticipate for a weekend, and now that's a building block to our weekend. So now we started it off right. But I also let you know too that there are some times where me and Shane are out in public.
Speaker 2:If he's just riding around, sometimes he might just grab for my hand to hold it and while as men we'll sit there and be like I'm not doing that. No, that's not what you do. That looks a little suspect, but is it really? Or is it really a communication that your son is trying, or your daughter is trying to relate to you? Maybe they need you in that point and they're having a sensory overload for some reason. Maybe it's that we got to take away these stigmas and that pride. So I hold his hand I don't care, and they're locked and everything to let him know that I'm here for him and I, I'm that regulator. If he needs me to be the regulator, I'm going to be the regulator and when he gets done then we'll unhinge hands and and then we'll continue on with what that looks like as far as our relationship.
Speaker 1:Oh, my goodness, and I mean that goes for mom, that goes for dad. Yeah, you're so right. All the stigmas that you can't hold hands Like really.
Speaker 2:Yeah, like, okay, they're our kids, we gave birth to them. Okay, if you think so, well, he's a grown man, so what? So what? What happens when we get close to death, unfortunately? What do you want to do? What's the first thing that you want to do? Do you want to hold another grown person's hand? So the moment of that transition is saying it's okay, it's going to be okay. You're giving them a confirmation that everything is going to be okay. So why wouldn't I do that now? Why wouldn't you do that now? I don't care if he's 16. I don't care if he's 16. I don't care if he's 21. If he wants to hold my hand in public, I'm going to hold his hand Doesn't mean anything. It just means that I killed my pride and my ego for my child. That's what that means.
Speaker 1:And that is the definition of love.
Speaker 2:It is Yep, pure love.
Speaker 1:Absolutely.
Speaker 2:Oh, my goodness, we could just go on and on. This has been so amazing. I know I know this is this is a great conversation. I think a lot of interviews are are kind of structured on on the surface level stuff and they're not really hitting the deep points. That is needed to be heard, and a lot of times, too, it has to deal with the guests because they're not trying to be as transparent as possible, and that's okay. Transparency comes in different forms and different times in people's lives. I've had a rough life. In order to keep my sanity and to to try to build and be a better person, it is the best interest of me to actually be open and be transparent and to speak life into other people, or I could, you know, end up psychosis myself, and I don't want to do that.
Speaker 1:Yes, I mean there is no way to heal unless you open up you think about the wound, right, we open it up so that all the poison can come out. I mean there's no way to heal our mind unless we let whatever is in there out so that we can now put new things in there, right, and new experiences and all of that. So you're absolutely right. And what's your take on therapy?
Speaker 2:Do it. I'm in therapy right now, though I advise other men, and sometimes women in family units. I'm in therapy too, because I have a lot of past traumas that I've worked through or I'm currently working through from things that affected me long before. Like I said, everybody has a story. I have a crazy story. I shouldn't be here right now, and while doing this helps me also, too, I need to speak to somebody, because I do know that there are some other things that I internalized that I don't need to, and for everybody listening right now.
Speaker 2:You're not perfect. You're not perfect, but I love you the way you are and you should be heard and you should be valued. And the only way that you're going to be heard and valued is if you get things off of your chest, and sometimes that's not coming off as cocky or vain. Sometimes that needs to be in an intimate setting with you and a provider. But also remember this too is that provider is not perfect as well, too. They're only limiting and giving you advice from what they personally know or what they have been educated on. So as long as you know that transaction and how to take that transaction and value that transaction, you will understand. You know it comes with a complete level of competence that will give you confidence in who you are. Start to build you for your passion, your purpose.
Speaker 1:Yes, thank you. Yes, everybody should be in therapy Me too. I absolutely think you're right and I like that you said they're also human and they're not perfect either. But yes, it's important to get the things off your chest and even for your children, to normalize it, and that's how I get my teenagers that I see to go to therapy. I'm like, do I look crazy? No, okay, I'm in therapy, so it will help you too, and then they're more likely to do it. But yes, especially, I mean I've heard I'm not a man, but I've heard that or I've seen that men often struggle with the thought of going to therapy. But I'm so glad you said it because it's not about the ego. It doesn't make you less of a man. It actually enhances you and help heal and walk through the things so that you can show up as the man, like you said, for your family and for your children. So thank you so much.
Speaker 2:No problem, thank you, I appreciate it. Shameless plug before we get off. So this shirt right here. Autism 365, this is a actual space in a library, started by a librarian who has a personal connection with the neurodiverse community. It's in Winfield, pennsylvania, which is like the city line Avenue area.
Speaker 2:So I want to give a shout out to Mary and everybody there, her staff and then my book. My book is on Amazon. Life is a puzzle guy. Gave you a cheat sheet. I have seven books. I didn't mention that. I even have a journal in there for fathers acknowledgement and affirmation. So definitely a shameless plug. I want to put that out there. But also, too, I know that you like to give a little tip for for everyone out there. So for none of you have heard me do a presentation or a talk, I want to give you a piece of my favorite part of a talk piece. Right, it's a white picket fence. In American culture we are told to work to get the big house, beautiful car, beautiful family the white picket fence right. So two ways I want you to look at this while you're listening to me is one, as your loved one, the autistic individual themselves, their white picket fence is not going to look the same as yours mom and dad.
Speaker 2:So if you ever heard of the term facilitated communicator, that is when one person actually supposedly helps individual who is on a autism spectrum or with intellectual disabilities communicate using a CPAT, it's been debunked. It's been found that the person the actual assistant, has been the one that's communicating their thoughts right. So are you a facilitated communicator in their life? Their house might be a one-bedroom apartment with a service dog or a service cat working at Wendy's, but they're happy. That's their white picket fence. And then for you, parents, your white picket fence is never going to look white. There's going to be panes missing, there's going to be scratches, there's going to be dirt, there's going to be a colored paint. It is not going to look white, but it's your picket fence.
Speaker 2:And the best thing about picket fences is that every now and then it can be taken down and it can be built back up. So I want to empower both autistic individuals to continue to build your white picket fence and know that you have a support system and your families are looking for. Build your white picket fence and know that you have a support system and your families are looking for the best white picket fence to fit who you are and parents. I want you to understand that you are building your white picket fence and it doesn't have to look the same. Allow it to have some pains missing, allow it to have some drawings, some scratches, but you know what? At the end of the day, that's your property, that's your white picket fence that you can be proud of. So that's the tip that I'm leaving you with.
Speaker 1:Wow, oh my goodness. So please fathers listening. Call Paula, mr Owen, and where can they find you?
Speaker 2:They can find me. I'm on Instagram, facebook. I need to get a little bit better on Facebook, but the handles are the Awesome Show T-H-E-A-U-S-O-M-E-S-H-O-W, and then Awesomeness Incorporated, which is my nonprofit organization, and that is A-U-S-O-M-E-N-E-S-S-I-N-C. Both of those are on Facebook and Instagram.
Speaker 2:Yeah you can find me. You can find me there. Send me a message. Look at some of my content. I'm on TikTok too. I'm trying to be everywhere is just too much. I don't have that much time, but I also do a lot of talks. I'm on LinkedIn as well, too, under Jamel Owens. You can find me there as well, too. But yeah, I appreciate a follow, suggestions, comments. If you're an autistic individual, always educate me, because I'm learning. I'm learning about you, I'm learning about my son, I'm learning about everybody to be able to give this information out so Wonderful, that's fantastic.
Speaker 1:Thank you so much. Please share this with as many people as need to hear this, in your community, in your life, at work, because we all can be better every day. We're all better every day by one question, and you can love a kid every day better. That's the definition of love and that's the definition of living life, because everything else will follow right. So thank you so much for listening, thank you so much for coming on here. I so appreciate it and until the next episode, everybody take care.