Brain Power with Dr. Eko

EP. 24 | Navigating Learning Disabilities: Strategies for Supporting Children and Their Families.

• Dr. Hokehe Eko • Season 1 • Episode 24

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Navigating the educational landscape for children with learning disabilities can be a labyrinth of confusion and frustration for parents and educators alike. That's where the expertise of educational therapist Dr. Bibi Pirayesh comes in, guiding us through the complexities with a mix of professional insight and compassionate advocacy. In an enlightening conversation, she reveals the nuanced challenges these children face and how a tailored, understanding approach is key to their success. We unravel the importance of individual attention and dig into the strategies for building a bridge between families and the often daunting school system, while also advocating for changes that recognize and support neurodiversity.

Parenting is an art form that demands not just love, but a thoughtful strategy for time management and self-care. This episode also emphasizes the delicate dance between caring for our children and ourselves, inspired by the touching concept of compiling children's love letters. I open up about my own methods for creating a mental space of luxury, preserving quality time, and the sometimes difficult art of saying 'no.' For those seeking deeper support, I point you to resources that champion radical love in both therapy and parenting, aiming to empower you with the tools to navigate these deep emotional waters. Whether you're a parent facing these challenges head-on or an educator seeking to broaden your understanding, this episode promises both guidance and relief.

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Dr. Hokehe Eko:

Hello everyone, welcome to another episode of Brain Power with Dr. Eko. I have, as I like to say, another amazing guest, and it's true. So, without further ado, I want to welcome Ms. Bibi Pirayesh to our show today. Thank you so much for having me. I'm so excited to be here, yay. So please tell the listeners more about you and kindly introduce yourself.

Dr. Bibi Pirayesh:

Sure. So I primarily work as an educational therapist. That's something that I feel like a lot of people are maybe not familiar with. There's like enclaves on the West Coast and on the East Coast where I think people know about educational therapy, but it's not a field that a lot of people are aware of. But I think it's a really, really important field because it can be so incredibly valuable for children who have different types of learning disabilities, and that's primarily what an educational therapist does. An educational therapist is someone who really understands the learning process, understands it from a developmental level, understands it from a developmental level, understands it from kind of a you know, my background is in neuroscience, so from that level and then also understands, you know, what the expectations and the standards and the requirements are, and then is also an expert in learning differences and learning disabilities. So you know, it's a field that I came into almost by accident.

Dr. Bibi Pirayesh:

I came from an academic background. I always thought I was going to, you know, be like a psychologist or something, but I took a job, you know, in that in-between time between you know, after graduate school, where you're kind of like, ok, now what, I'm not really ready to go back to school again and I took a job just to sort of pay my rents and I had never up until that point, really worked with, you know, one on one, with kids. I was in research and I just immediately fell in love with it and it was sort of this place where I could finally see research being put into real practice. And I love that. And I was very surprised that I enjoyed working with children so much. Yes, me too, but yes, yeah, but I sort of I don't know, I kind of just really got into it and then I, you know, did a lot of, a lot more training etc.

Dr. Bibi Pirayesh:

And I live in Los Angeles, so that's where my practices, that's where I've been for about 15 years and primarily my job is to help help. I mean, you know, I don't do testing and diagnosis, but it's to kind of. A lot of families who come to me have no idea. They just sort of are like oh, it's school is not working, something is not working, and it's my job to then help guide them to where they need to go if they need to get diagnosed, testing, whatever that is. And then some families come to me already with a full neuropsych or full diagnosis and then we just kind of dive into okay, well, what do we need to do now to support the students?

Dr. Bibi Pirayesh:

So that's, you know, I would say that's kind of like maybe 60% of the work that I do, and then the other 40% is me really advocating for students, sometimes within their own families, advocating for students sometimes within their own families, but oftentimes in their school system, and really trying to help the systems understand that they need to shift. You know, it's not just about us forcing the child to assimilate into this neurotypical system, but we need to change and have more space for differences. And so I think my new goal now in my work is to shift that balance. It's sort of like 60-40 now and more and more I'm seeing that, you know, kids oftentimes become most disabled by the systems that they're having to navigate. So a lot of my remediation work now is around helping parents and teachers and administrators and you know, decision makers really understand that they need to go through a remediation process. So yeah, in a nutshell, that's sort of what.

Dr. Hokehe Eko:

I do, wow, ok, so when do we start? Let's see, what you do is so critical, because I see parents and they often like I don't know what next to do. So what would you say to a parent that shows up in your office and says my child is having trouble in school and I can't seem to get help for them? What would you say to that parent?

Dr. Bibi Pirayesh:

Well, so the way that I work I work in a kind of very engaged and involved way, and one of the jobs I think of the educational therapist is to do a great deal of case management is to help parents kind of identify all the different people that need to be part of that support system and then to go out there and really advocate for it. So, for example, after our meeting today, I have an IEP for a student where the parents came to me, you know exactly, with that question. Like you know, these are we've done the testing, these are the diagnoses that we've gotten, they have all this information, but it's just not working. You know what do we do? So my job then, I mean it always begins with the with the child. I mean my first step is always to get to know the child, without even reading reports or diagnoses, and then I read up on all of that. So the first step that I take is to really try to get a comprehensive, clear picture of what exactly is going on and then where the kind of pain points are. So it might be, for example, that I say, you know, what your child really needs right now is actually to focus on speech and language or something, and we need to find the right placement and the right fit for that.

Dr. Bibi Pirayesh:

And then I do a lot of handholding because I think a lot of times what happens for parents is that even when they know what it is that they're supposed to do, because all of this can be so emotionally charged, they sort of become paralyzed by it. It's very, very. You know, there's a huge something that we don't talk about enough is that there can be a huge grieving process with all of this for parents, as they kind of come to terms and oftentimes, you know, learning disabilities have a genetic component and then it sort of makes them go back and look at their own childhood and their own learning and their own learning and their own potential struggles that they've had. So there's like a lot of therapy that also needs to happen in the midst of all this. That I think oftentimes gets missed but is critical, because you would not believe how often parents know what they need to do but they just can't quite do it and they need, you know, support in doing that. And then of course, there are times where just like, where they're like, this is so overwhelming, you know, because the way that the systems are set up and I'm of the belief that they're set up this way by design but everything is so disconnected that all of the responsibility is put on the parents. They are responsible for figuring out all the different pieces and for putting it all together. So, if it is possible, if it's financially, you know, feasible for them, when a parent comes and says I have no idea what to do, my recommendation would be to hire an educational therapist you know if they can find a good one so that they can help navigate all the you know, the case management stuff, while also ensuring that the student is getting what they need in the meanwhile, to whatever extent possible academically and in terms of remediation.

Dr. Bibi Pirayesh:

It's really difficult for a parent to have to do all that while they're also parenting, while they also have a full-time job, while they probably have other children. And we do this, unfortunately, I think, because, I mean, I've come to learn, sort of in the West LA area, that the systems are set up in a way that only those parents who have the resources are really able to support their children, which is, you know, if they can hire one and have someone kind of take some of that weight off of their plate so that they can go back to playing the role as a parent. Because I think one of the things that happens in these cases is the. The parent is like okay, I have to be the teacher, I have to be the tutor, I have to be the, and then that really impedes on the parent-child relationship and then that, you know, just creates chaos all across. So if they have that available to them, I would say do that, you know, bring someone in who can really really support you.

Dr. Bibi Pirayesh:

And if that's not available, I would say, try to try to find there. There are places you know where you can get like advocates or their centers where you can get people who can be your advocate. That would be my number one recommendation is get someone on your side, whether it's someone that you're paying or maybe someone that you know through whatever other way you can come across. And this doesn't necessarily mean, you know, people think of advocates as like oh, if I'm in a fight with the school system, you know that's when I get an advocate, but it's not, it's when I mean the whole thing. You know, even if the school system is like willing to, is playing ball and wants just managing, the entire thing is so overwhelming that it's really good to have someone who understands the landscape so you're not just kind of like you know walking in the dark yeah, right, because that's so critical.

Dr. Hokehe Eko:

you said that because there are laws the educational advocate to know about that you don't even know about, and there are things I mean as well. No matter how good the school is, there may be things that they are missing out on right right that somebody else can catch to help your child reach their potential best, and I love that Absolutely. Yeah.

Dr. Bibi Pirayesh:

Yeah, absolutely. And then you know, the other thing that I would say, in addition to getting support, is, I would say, kind of, mentally, prepare yourself for it to be hard and confusing until everything clicks into place. I think a lot of times parents just don't expect you know, they're just like I don't know, like it's schooling. You know, why is this so difficult? It really truly is like when you are trying to figure out, like, let's say, a new health or medical diagnosis, it creates an immense amount of pressure and I think it's even harder than if you are getting a diagnosis yourself because it's your child.

Dr. Bibi Pirayesh:

So I would say, just mentally, you know, I think one of the things that I constantly hear myself doing for my clients is just normalizing the difficulty, normalizing the chaos, because that's a big part of the shock is like, oh, am I just like? Am I just? You know, I just don't know what I'm doing, or am I a terrible parent? Or why can't I figure this out? No, it really really is difficult to navigate. So and everyone else who's going through it is having the same exact experience. You just don't know, because you don't have the point of view, for example, that I do. I see everyone struggling at the same time, right? So yeah, sort of be mentally prepared for that, I think, is a big, big help too.

Dr. Hokehe Eko:

I like that being mentally prepared, because I think that will take the edge off of things. And you know it's a process, right? Also, like there's no quick fix, unfortunately, and it's a process. And to go at it with the mindset of I'm going into this as I want to like create a team, I'm going into this as I want to like create a team, a partnership between my kids teacher, my kids principal. Even if it may not be that way, it kind of helps if you think about it that way Because, remember, your child is still sitting in that environment with them.

Dr. Bibi Pirayesh:

Absolutely, Absolutely. It's interesting because, again, because of the way that the laws are set up, they are set up to kind of put families and parents at odds with the school because you know the they have to provide services, so it's set up as an adversarial relationship, but it actually has to be exactly the opposite of that. Everyone has to be on the same team in order for it to work, Otherwise it's not going to work. And how do you you know again, like, how do you navigate that? And this is another reason why having someone as like a buffer in between, because I can go to the school and have conversations with them and then, you know, filter that in a way to the parent that's not going to make them to school and vice versa. So having a mediator in that process again is why I think getting support is so important, Right, and parents listening will say okay, so where can I find the advocate?

Dr. Hokehe Eko:

Are there places that have like databases? Where can we point parents to who are like okay, I need that. So now what?

Dr. Bibi Pirayesh:

Yeah, so in order to find an educational therapist in your area, you can go to the AET website. It's www. aetonline. org, and I believe that you can use your zip code Now, with that said, you know, an ed therapist is like anything. It's like a doctor or a lawyer. You know, just because someone has the credentials doesn't mean that they're really good at their job. So you do have to still, you know, do some digging and research and find someone that you feel is a good fit.

Dr. Bibi Pirayesh:

So if you are going that route, and then even if you call them I mean, you know, I have people call me all the time who are not necessarily going to be able to hire me for my services, but just because of I don't know. I mean, this is just kind of the way that I I see myself as responsible, as supporting anyone who calls me in any way that I can. So I am still, like in my local area, I have a great deal of knowledge, and so if someone calls me, even if I'm not the right fit, I'm still going to try to direct them in the right direction. So I would recommend that, even if you are like well, this is not something that I can afford to do because it's not, unfortunately, covered by insurance. I would still call and just try to get you know, see if you can get some information and resources.

Dr. Bibi Pirayesh:

As far as advocacy, I do know. I mean, again, I live in Los Angeles so there are a lot of centers and organizations that provide. Centers and organizations that provide, you know, these kinds of services for free. There are a few, I will say the Jonathan Foundation is a group that I think you know kind of matches people with with ed therapists et cetera.

Dr. Bibi Pirayesh:

You know, at no cost. I don't exactly know what they're. You know how you qualify for that. Unfortunately, your school is not going to be the best resource. I would say one other really really important resource is other parents. You know who, you know who've sort of been through it. So tap into that, create that community and, you know, try to get information. It would. I can't sort of like there's like a national organization that I can say like you have to just kind of check to see what's available in your area.

Dr. Hokehe Eko:

I'm glad you pointed out other parents, because it's so important, like you, have that community support and that's why it's important to meet the parent of the children in your kid's class and form some friendships, because it definitely does help.

Dr. Bibi Pirayesh:

I'll just add one quick note to that. While I think it's incredibly important to be in that community with others who are in a similar position, I do think it's also really important for parents to remember that no two children with learning disabilities are the same. So just because something worked for somebody else, it doesn't necessarily mean it's going to work for you, so also be prepared for that.

Dr. Hokehe Eko:

Yes, I'm so glad you said that. It's absolutely true. You see one child, you've seen one child, so it goes right back to finding someone who can walk this road as a buffer between you and the school and help you. Those points are really important. So, in the case of a parent who has a diagnosis, has found the educational therapist and is trying to work through things, you also mentioned creating the environment for learning at home. What are things that parents can do at home to help foster a good learning experience for their kids?

Dr. Bibi Pirayesh:

So first of all, it really depends on what the disability is about. A student with ADHD, they're going to require very different kind of environments than you know. A student with a different kind of learning disability I, to me, always the most important thing is so honoring that parent-child bond and relationship. I think that's number one and unfortunately that's one of the things that immediately goes out the window because the parent finds themselves getting pulled into playing the teacher and so again, you know, like an hour or two hours a week with someone is not going to. You have to bring all this stuff into the everyday practice. I'll tell you what I do sort of in terms of because I do home visits with every client. I think it's incredibly important to sort of see what is going on in the home, what the space is like. Oftentimes my recommendations are around decluttering and around creating kind of like a safe and attractive, quiet, decluttered space that is kind of like your designated workspace.

Dr. Bibi Pirayesh:

For some students it works. If it's kind of like a way For other students it has to be. You know they really need that constant touch point with somebody else. So sometimes you do create that in your living room, but that sort of in terms of the actual space, I would say is one of the most important things. The other thing that I always look at with parents is their calendar Like how does the week look? I think most of us are too overscheduled and kids don't have enough time to do nothing. Doing nothing is incredibly important.

Dr. Bibi Pirayesh:

It's like when your brain actually processes what it's learning in the time that it's doing the thing. So I really work with parents to create empty time, you know, for their kids and then, you know, come up with like appropriate things that they can be doing in that empty time. You know, sometimes parents are like they're just like staring at the wall and I'm like that's really important. That's actually really really good if they're staring at the wall and not always staring at their phone, right? So, yeah, so you know, we really trying to get a clear picture of time and space is a big one, and then also kind of that emotional component what is going on, you know, in the family dynamics, what does it feel like, how does this, you know, there is.

Dr. Bibi Pirayesh:

You know, obviously, as you know, in the family dynamics, what does it feel like, how does this, you know there is. You know, obviously, as you know, there's very little learning that can take place if a child is feeling anxious, or if a child is feeling, you know, overwhelmed, or you know shamed, or you know whatever it is. So, figuring out to some extent a little bit, you know ways in which the family can make adjustments in order to help the child feel more emotionally ready and, you know, sometimes that does include like hiring an actual therapist. Other times it's something as simple as no, you know. No, it's okay if they don't make their bed in the morning. Just you know, let that goal go like, just let it be what it is. So you know, again, it depends on the family. But I would say, yes, time.

Dr. Hokehe Eko:

You know their space and then the feelings and the bond between parent and child. So absolutely yeah, and that's one of the reasons I wrote the book I wrote about children's love letters, how your child spells love, because it's more than just time. You'll be amazed at the little, little things that count, and so I always encourage parents as much as possible. Like you just said, we're overscheduled. I'm going to go to that plane too, Because I hear myself and the kids at home now from school and they're like mommy, play with us, play card game. I'm like I haven't made it. I haven't made it, oh my God. So I'm going to go work on myself too. Get your own calendar, because none of us have arrived, Well, yeah. So thank you so much for sharing those, and I have one question I wanted to ask you. You continue to serve parents. You know this podcast is about brain power. So how do you, as a CEO, how do you make decisions?

Dr. Bibi Pirayesh:

You know we were just talking about time. I think for me that's the greatest luxury, for I think that that is kind of like richness to me is having my time to myself to do what I enjoy and what I love, or to do nothing at all. So I really do make my business decisions based on, I sort of like, picture my week or picture my semester or picture by year, whatever it is, and I think about what would be the most like luxurious way that this could feel to me and then I try to make decisions accordingly in terms of the number of clients I take on, in terms of the number of, you know, classes that I teach, that I take on, but also in terms of the support that you know, all the things that I'm saying you know parents need to do. I think all of us as professionals also need to do so. Hiring good people that I can delegate things to, so that that frees up my time, I think is really the driving force behind my decision making.

Dr. Bibi Pirayesh:

So, yeah, I guess I guess I try, I try, I really do try to practice what I preach because that for me, that is what helps my like. For me, self-care, mental health care is really that is kind of creating time in my day and in my schedule and in my life. That's mine. So yeah, that's wonderful.

Dr. Hokehe Eko:

I love the fact that you use the word luxurious. What feels luxurious to me? Well, well, if we all thought about things like life, like that, what feels luxurious to me?

Dr. Bibi Pirayesh:

yeah, we all deserve that. We deserve to have a life of luxury. And a life of luxury does not mean, you know, like fancy cars and jewelry.

Dr. Hokehe Eko:

To me, it means, yeah, what feels good, what feels good yeah yeah, and the awareness of self, that that you have to say, yes, this is what feels luxurious to me, or it's not that or it's this, because that's a whole other level. Right, because a lot of us go through life not even knowing what that means, or even as accepting the fact that we can have it for ourselves. Right, it's those people over there, and and that's not true, and I like what you just said about it's not fancy cars, it's not it. What is it that makes me come alive? Because then you give the people that you serve the very best of you exactly, exactly, yep.

Dr. Bibi Pirayesh:

And you, you know you, you have to, you have to make choices. I mean, this is the other thing with businesses you have to make choices. So you know, if I decide to say no to clients because I really want to keep my, you know the number of people that I take on small because then I can serve them so much better. I mean that's a choice that I'm making. Obviously it means I'm giving up maybe money or I'm giving up. You know I have to. Hopefully I'm always referring them to someone else so that they're still getting supported. But you have, you have to be willing to make choices in order to, in order to give yourself that, and you have, you know, you have to be willing, you have to be willing to say no.

Dr. Hokehe Eko:

It's a full, it's a complete sentence Always. Oh goodness, thank you so much for sharing that. That was really wonderful. So can you tell parents where they can find you, please? You know contact info is is it's?

Dr. Bibi Pirayesh:

kind of a long website name. It's www. oneofonekids. org. And then I actually have sort of a new project that I'm launching around training therapists and training professionals who really want to make radical love the center of their therapy and work, and that's kind of my other personal website, which is drbbpiyushcom. The two websites are connected so if you go to one you can connect to the other. So you know, depending on where your listeners are whether they're therapists or parents they might want to go to one versus the other.

Dr. Hokehe Eko:

Yes, absolutely. Oh, gee, I love that. That's a whole other podcast. That's a whole other podcast, so you're going to have to come back. Thank you, nadra. I'd love to yeah, so we can support you. Yes, that would be amazing, don't? We all need radical love.

Dr. Bibi Pirayesh:

Yeah, speaking of luxury, I know.

Dr. Hokehe Eko:

Speaking of luxury, I know speaking of luxury well, this has been so wonderful talking with you. I hope you, parents and whoever's listening, fellow ceos, that you learned something from this and that you go out and take some action on finding the amazing ways that you can support your children and support yourself first of all, and then your children. And so until next time. We'll see you next time, and I hope you please share this with someone in your world that needs to hear this. Have an amazing day everyone.