Brain Power with Dr. Eko

Parenting Burnout: How to Reclaim Your Energy and Peace Without Guilt | Dr. Tolulope Olabintan

• Dr. Hokehe Eko

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0:00 | 18:39

Parenting is beautiful, but it can also leave you running on empty.

In this episode, Dr. Eko and Dr. Tolulope Olabintan had an honest conversation about what it really looks like to care for yourself while caring for everyone else.

No unrealistic routines. No guilt trips. Just practical, compassionate strategies to help you manage stress, rest better, set healthy boundaries, and rediscover who you are beyond the parenting role.

Because you cannot pour from an empty cup, and your family needs you well.

Listen to the full episode on your favorite podcast platform and check out the video version on our YouTube channel!

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Welcome And Guest Introduction

SPEAKER_00

So, hello everyone. Welcome to another episode of the Brain Power Podcast with Dr. Echo. We are live with the amazing, and I mean the amazing, Dr. Tolu Lope Olabington. Thank you so much for joining us today, Dr. Tolu.

SPEAKER_01

It is my pleasure to be here with you, Dr. Okay. Um, good to see you, and and thank you for the privilege to be a blessing to your audience.

SPEAKER_00

Yes. And she's truly a blessing in every sense of the word. So I'd love you for you to please introduce yourself to those who don't know who you are.

SPEAKER_01

All right. Um, my name is Dr. Tulope Ola Binton. I'm called Dr. O for short. I'm a family physician, um, wife, mama, dog mom, um, also family medicine, lifestyle, and obesity physician. And I love helping people live long and well so that they are empowered um to live out the purpose that God created them for. And so we do that with and without medication, lifestyle, and all the things. Yes.

SPEAKER_00

Yes, yes, all the things. So you mentioned your mommy and the wife, and our topic today is the refueled parent. And I was laughing before I came on here thinking I need refueling myself this morning. So thank you. This

What A Refueled Parent Means

SPEAKER_00

is so apt, and I'm sure I'm gonna learn some things from you. So, yes, what does the refuel parent mean? I mean, parenthood, as we know, comes with doesn't come with the manual, right? And we have to live life and take care of our kids, and as children of God, right? We are called to put life into our kids, speak life into them, teach them about God. So, and a lot of times we parents are struggling ourselves and we're not really pouring into ourselves. So, what does that mean to you and how can how can we help ourselves do better?

SPEAKER_01

I would say maybe the first thing is an awareness is a need for refilling. Because I think there's an assumption that as a parent, you you're an autopilot. So whenever there's a need that arises, you jump to it. You don't ask for help, you don't have systems in place to help support you, you don't prioritize your own well-being because that's part of being uh, I guess, uh terrorists at the word M E T M A T Y R. Like you must suffer to be a good parent. Um, and I don't want to sound like an expert in the sense that I didn't have to go through the journey to learn that, but we need to know that we need to refuel. You cannot truly, it's not just a saying or cliche, you can't pour from an empty cup, like it's not possible. And so it then becomes a question of well, how can I get filled while I fill others? So, you know, and and I think doing that helps spurs a create spur creativity that makes you think, oh, I can get some two. Not we're not saying like ignore everyone and then just take care of it. That's not what we're saying, just two two that the two. And so it could it becomes a question of hmm, the kids need to go play soccer. I'll take them, but instead of staying in the in the in the in the car, binging on social media because I don't really feel refreshed from it, I'll take a walk. I'll call a friend that pours into me. Still give a shout-out, like, yeah, go ahead, go ahead, kick that ball. Like, so still engage, but still get some to. Yes, yeah, get some too. So the awareness is important. I say let's start there.

SPEAKER_00

Yes, yes, you're absolutely right. And it's funny, yeah. I wrote down be aware of our thoughts, right? Because I heard myself I found myself this morning

Guilt, Self-Pity, And Repair

SPEAKER_00

feeling guilty because I was a little fussy at the kids, trying to get them out of the door to school. And I was like, I started bidding myself up, and then I was like, okay, stop, stop, stop. Because that's where it starts, right? With how we think about ourselves and the actions that we take, and we start feeling guilty and start saying we're bad parents, and it's just a slippery slope from there.

SPEAKER_01

You know, Dr. Hoki, I like that you mentioned that. So there's the guilt, and then there's the self-pity. The two rob you of strength because you know, joy lords, your strength. So they rob you of joy there, and so you you feel bad, and so you have options. Now, I'm sorry is an option when they come back. Hey, I was a little tough on you, didn't mean any harm, but you know, I don't like when you do this, it communicates this to me. So, um, so even questions like what can we do to make sure this doesn't happen again, or how can I communicate better? Like, I owe my kids apology when I got I was snippy this morning because I like my house a certain way, and I got you know, new you know, tears and they're white, and they have their stuff. I'm like, no, no, so so I owe them, I was a little extra snippy. So instead of sopping myself of energy and strength by wallowing in the guilt and the self-pity of my gosh, my life, I could use more help. It's like, okay, what can I do to course correct? I'm sorry, and then you know, forward movement. I call it repent forward. Like we're and and you know, another thing that this reminds me of, I think we're in our head a lot. People don't perceive us the same way we perceive ourselves. And this was something that became more aware, sadly, during COVID. Um a lot of moms were feeling bad because they had to spend more time at home with the kids. And so they asked all the moms, they had asked about a thousand moms to ask, they asked them how they felt about how they were doing, and many, like 90, 99%, said they felt that they yelled too much of a cranky. And so they asked them to go ask the kids what they thought about them. Not like, you know, psychophone, like where you're flattered. No, like what do you really think about me? What am I doing well? And they were shocked. We see you trying, we see you're making efforts. No, you're not perfect, we understand you are. They were blown away by the perception of their kids. So sometimes doing a check-in to ask, you know, and and of course, timing is key, like when to ask that question, like, hey, you know, how do you think we're doing? You would be surprised pleasantly that you're you're making more progress than you think. They see your efforts, they see your intention, even if the outflow expression of it is not quite gelling, they see the care and draw strength from that because that refills. You're encouraged when you know what you're doing, even if it's not the perfect picture you had in your mind, it is something that's making the difference for them. That's big.

SPEAKER_00

Yes, oh my goodness, I love that the way you just slay that out. Even if it's something that you don't, it's making a difference for them, even if you don't you don't think it is, right? Oh my goodness,

Building Systems And Community Support

SPEAKER_00

yeah, that is so important. Thank you for sharing that. So, what you've mentioned systems, let's go to that word, systems. What are the systems that we parents can put in place? Simple, easy, that fits into our schedules.

SPEAKER_01

Don't be a single woman colony, like get to meet people. So it would be nice. Think of okay, I want to drive my kids to school. Could I maybe make friends with another parent who can help with the carpooling? So I'll take turns and they take turns. Um, are there extended family members who I can coach to help encourage my kids? So, for instance, you know, my parents are with me right now. I'm actually interestingly, they can stay with me because it was a health, it was a more health issue. So I'm taking care of them in that sense. But now I'm thinking, hmm, I had to go for my doctor's appointment and I'm sitting there. Usually it'd be out, you know, I don't bother them. But I said, you know what? They do need to exercise. So I called. Can you take a walk and and and take my kids with you? Um, please don't let them be too exposed to this, this, this. And you know, so it's how can I create community for for the whole colony, not just, not just see it as an abstract. Are there family members? Are they friends? Now it is effort. I'm not saying it happens overnight. So some of you may just say, you know, good for you, your parents are with you, or they happen to be with me. So it's like, how can I make it a win-win? They walk, but the kids get to go because I need them to exercise too, the kids to exercise too, and they take the dogs out, so they get to do that. It could also be um something like, you know, you have um siblings, like I have sisters, I have brothers. So sometimes if there's a concern I have, you know, I'm giving them tips like, you know, they listen to you. I could use your help in this. I'm not saying do it my way, but this is the core message. Um, I want to encourage them to take more responsibility. I want to discourage lying. I want to encourage, so like just encourage them to be accountable. And even when they make a mistake, own up to it. It's it's it's character development, not the sound like you're a perfect kid. No, it's just when you make a mistake. Let's teach that you couldn't say your story again. So it's it's systems. Even in church, you know, you you you you have teachers, you have don't be the mom who is always mad when someone gives you feedback. That doesn't help you create community, you know. Sometimes it could be Facebook groups where you see moms who are you you have questions, you go in there. You don't have to put your business, you can just ask the same question and see what they are doing. Oh, okay, so this is a therapist, or this is someone that can help with laundry, or this is someone that helps with after-school care, or this is a bus. Oh, so you can go there and get resources. And also, I'm in a group with awesome women, you included. We do Zoom meetings once a month. My gosh, like I have cleared schedules for that. Like, like, nope, sorry, can't miss that because in that community we share, we exchange ideas, we see that life is possible with the advice of others. The Bible says in the council of many, or in the in the advice of many, there's counsel, something like that. Something where a lot of people say good ideas, something like that. You know, so it's it takes time, it takes strategy, it takes effort, but please create systems for your kids to, you know, teach them how to create systems, friends that encourage them to behave better, friends that tell them or remind them what God says about them, not the ones that just just you know what I mean. But it's a continuum, it's not a oh, I'm done creating systems, it's a continuum of systems.

SPEAKER_00

Yes, and I like to start at the beginning where you give yourself permission to even have the systems, right? And not feel like you have to do everything because I used to be that mom, I did everything, and I was always exhausted.

SPEAKER_01

Like that's not a lesson. Oh, dog. Can I say this one? So even meal prepping, kid parents are like, Oh, I have to cook on Sunday, put on music. Worship, everybody's job, okay. You get the cucumbers, you get the carrots, you put, you know, so everybody's doing their own. Like, I'll meet prep the crack, I'll do this, I'll do the chicken. I showed my daughter how to make fried rice last week. Like, I'm teaching her how to, like, she

Make Home Help A Team

SPEAKER_01

likes the floor, like my mom makes it. Well, let me teach you how to make it. It takes effort. Teach them and increase, you know, don't be so obsessed with the perfection that you don't make any progress. So get them involved in helping you too.

SPEAKER_00

Yeah, yeah.

SPEAKER_01

Oh, you too. That's right.

SPEAKER_00

And the boys teach your sons how to cook. They need to cook too. My son knows how to cook, yes. That's me. Yes, that's right. Oh, that's so wonderful. I like the dancing part because it doesn't get everybody's energy up, and before you know it, everything is done.

SPEAKER_01

And you know the guilt about oh, I don't spend time with my kids, that's quality time. They'll you know, you do a little, do a little, you know, dance like this, they'll be laughing while they're doing the things. That's quality time, so that's a win for you know, quality time, meal prepping. Hey, yes, yes, I agree.

SPEAKER_00

Actually, it's I just remembered something in my book. I wrote about how children spell love. I put D for dance because that it is true. It spells love to them, yeah. Parents, yes, and if you're interested in reading the book, which is great, go go to Amazon and we'll put it put a link in here. Yes, we'll put a link in here. So that would be a great present for you and your and your kids, yeah. So, Dr. Tolu, tell us. We've talked about systems, we've talked about being aware, we've talked about community. Is there anything else that you think that's really important that parents like an aspect of life that parents need to address as well?

SPEAKER_01

To be you know, um, I'll be honest with you, Dr. Okay, when the self-care movement became louder, I initially was irritated. I was like, man, these people sound selfish. All about like self-care, yeah, yeah, go do your nails good for you. But I want also to understand fundamentally that it's it's also kingdom, it's scriptural, it's wisdom to self-care. The Bible says love others as you love yourself. So it's it's as you love. So that includes going for your checkups, making sure

Self-Care, Boundaries, And Scheduling

SPEAKER_01

you're okay. You are all a whole enterprise as a mama. And that's why, you know, a lot of times when I speak, if I if I say I would pick a special group is moms, the middle-age the moms, you know, because you're a whole enterprise and you maintain a lot of systems as a person. And so it's important that the core you are taking care of. So taking care of yourself is a non-negotiable because all the things you're concerned about, if you don't take care of you, then those systems fall. So self-care is a non-negotiable. Please ask for help and receive help. Number three, no is a full sentence. You can say kindly. Number four, manage your schedule. It makes saying no easier because you literally, so for instance, that's okay. I schedule hangout with the kids. It's on my calendar. So when someone says, Can I? And I'm looking, oh, I'm sorry. Yeah, no, I already have an engagement. I actually do have an engagement at that time because I'm hanging out with the kids. And sometimes it's also retreating four hours a month, sometimes a day a month, where it's me, my God, on the bed, not disturbed, just just just being poured into. And so those things need to be planned because life has a way of putting things on your schedule, but you've got to schedule you on your schedule. Yes, ma'am.

SPEAKER_00

Yes, I love it. Schedule you on your schedule, yes, before somebody else schedules themselves on your schedule, yes, and it's not you being selfish, and it's not you being thinking about yourself only because like I love, I love how you describe us as enterprises, right? And we have all these things that are attached to us. So yes, yes, yes, I love it. So if you are over 40, what test should they be doing, Dr. Tolu? Please, your mama, your pops me, get your vaccines, bhiku.

SPEAKER_01

I mean, sorry, get your vaccines as age appropriate and get the basic lab results. So check for insulin resistance, check your thyroid function, check your kidney function. I like the kidney profile so you can stage kidneys, kidney issues, especially the African-American population. We're seeing that a lot.

Health Screenings After Age 40

SPEAKER_01

You know, check your blood levels, make sure anemia is not a thing, and know your family history. So have conversations so you know what other tests, colon cancer screening ahead of time, other tests you need to do ahead of time. And also, you may be perimenopausal, you're not going crazy, just talk to someone who can understand that season in your life.

SPEAKER_00

Yes, yes. So important. Know your numbers, they're really important, right? We know our kids' numbers, we need to know our numbers. Yes, mate. So, where can if you live in the amazing city of Mansfield? I think that's how you like to describe it, right? Yes, yes, yes, yes, yes. So tell our listeners where they can find you and even online where they can follow you. Yes.

SPEAKER_01

So um, Living Spring Family Medical Center is the private practice we run here in Mansfield, Texas. So if you're looking for a primary care doctor who will nudge you, push you, nag you a little bit, maybe to help you live longer and well, I am she. We are still taking new um clients as well, new patients. Also, you can find us www.livinspringmedicals.com. There's a place where you can email me. I'm also on YouTube, LinkedIn, Facebook, TikTok, and Instagram. Just Dr. Ola Binton, O-L-A-B-I-N-T, and you'll find me.

SPEAKER_00

Yes, wonderful. Yes, I will have all of that information in the comments below. So wonderful. Thank you so much. So, but before I let you go, what's one last thing you're gonna share with

Where To Find Dr. O

SPEAKER_00

our parents?

SPEAKER_01

There's grace for every season, even parenting, every whether they're young, middle, older, that there's grace. So lean it. Um, you that all the resources needed to fund that season of your life has already been provided. It's a question of who, how, where. Okay, so stay curious.

SPEAKER_00

Yes, yes, stay curious and ask for help. Yes, she and she approves that message, right? Yes, ask for help. Okay, wonderful. Thank you so much again for coming on. Oh, someone says we need more doctors willing to nudge us towards a healthy lifestyle. Absolutely, and that's why Dr. Tolu is here, and that's why I'm here, right? That's my uh message to the world. Our children with autism and ADHD can absolutely live healthier, happier lives and their parents as well. So that's why we're here to encourage parents to refuel and to ask for help and to make systems work in their lives so that they can be the best version of themselves. So, until next time, see you later. And remember, you're valuable, you're seen, God loves you, and be blessed. Okay, thank you.